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Mikhail Labkovsky's radical advice that will change your life for the better
Mikhail Labkovsky's radical advice that will change your life for the better
Anonim

Simple recipes for solving all problems made Mikhail Labkovsky one of the most recognizable and popular psychologists in Russia. At school and institute, he was a poor student and a C student. But he became an excellent businessman by writing a bestseller. He has a special view of all aspects of life, with which one may disagree, but pay attention - it's worth it. We have collected current advice from Mikhail Labkovsky for women.

Mikhail Labkovsky's radical advice that will change your life for the better

The sphere in which the eminent psychologist would not understand does not seem to exist. His famous phrases about what you need to do only what you want and not do what you don’t want to do, instantly scattered into quotes. Not all colleagues understood and accepted the writer and TV presenter. But in fact, Mikhail Labkovsky gives advice that reveals the simple secrets of happiness, teaches you to hear your own desires and trust them.

Take off your hairpins and put your sexy clothes away

Any uncomfortable clothes and shoes are a sign that the girl is trying to appear as something she is not. I have not met a single woman who would think that stiletto heels (especially in winter) are convenient and practical.

However, many suffer, but hobble on these eerie structures on the ice. Believe me, the beauty of legs will not be killed by an anatomically justified heel of 4-5 cm. And sneakers will not kill. And the length of the skirt does not play a decisive role, as well as the depth of the neckline. On the contrary, the more you hear in the image: "Look at me, I am beautiful, take me," - the more likely it is that your relationship will turn out to be not at all what you dreamed of.

In this case, the rules of Mikhail Labkovsky imply the main conditions: to listen to yourself, and not to those around you, including men, and put yourself first.

Don't try to please

Some of Mikhail Labkovsky's advice on love and relationships is very categorical. It is about the desire of women to sacrifice themselves, their time or desires. You have probably faced such contradictions in your life or your friends. The writer is sure that people are not loved because they bend.

On a date, thinking about marriage, living with a person - never try to please him in a way that disgusts you. That is, if you have ordered pizza in a nearby cafe all your life, and he loves haute cuisine, do not get up to the stove and do not buy cookbooks. Does he love haute cuisine? Fine, let him cook you nightingale tongues with béchamel sauce.

Forget plastic surgery

The first symptom of neurosis and self-dislike is the desire to correct your appearance. I'll make a reservation: it's not about an obvious physical defect that doesn't suit you. Say, a large mole on your nose or a crooked septum that prevents you from breathing normally. This is a different matter.

But neither breast augmentation, nor hip reduction, nor pumped-up cheekbones will make you happy. You just disfigure yourself, because you are created unique, and you become "under the standard": a thin nose, plump lips … they do not love you for them or do not love you.

In this case, we are ready to understand the tough advice of Mikhail Labkovsky and begin to learn to accept ourselves as we are. By changing one, we find fault with the other and lose the race with ourselves. No matter how much we strive for the ideals of the stars, as they appear on Instagram, reality is often far away. And again, this is someone else's reality, not yours.

If he bothers you, just break up with him

Mikhail Labkovsky wrote 15 tough working advice on relationships with a soul mate. If you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend on your first dates, then you shouldn't force yourself to appoint the next one. At these moments, he must present himself in the best possible light, and if that does not suit you, then why go further?

Don't be afraid to be alone.No man in the whole world is worth breaking himself, sagging under him, neglecting his desires and needs. No one.

We remember how many of us experienced the phobia of losing long-term relationships. It becomes a pity for effort, time, work. But this is just panic, and it's not about the relationship itself, but about the struggle with fear and victory over it. No wonder one of the most popular lectures of a psychologist is "How to get married" - Mikhail Labkovsky throughout the year gave women advice in overcrowded halls.

Don't think this is the last love of your life

Even if your relationship was not like any other, even if now you remember only the most rosy moments and yearn for all the good things that happened between you. Do not even think that you will not meet anyone else, no matter how old you are, no matter how you look and no matter how bad you think your character is. All will be. It will be even better. If you learn to …

Do not dissolve in a man

No matter how close you are, you should have your own life and your own interests. Do not try to adjust your life to his life, even if it seems to you that it is not difficult for you, and it is pleasant for him.

If he loves you, he will be pleased that you are a versatile and interesting person who takes time for himself and his hobbies. The pet dog, which faithfully waits for the owner at the front door on the rug, touches at first, but very soon begins to be taken for granted.

Giving 15 tips about love, Mikhail Labkovsky reminds that a woman chooses her own path. If she sits at home for years, runs a household, watches TV shows and degrades, then she becomes boring for her man. But he did not ask her to become a brood hen.

Do not negotiate through intermediaries

It doesn't matter at all, at work, in the family or in a friendly circle - never sort things out through a third party. Don't like your mother-in-law's behavior? Talk to her directly. Either in your house she behaves the way you do, or she shouldn't be visiting you. Either she follows your principles of raising children, or it is better for grandchildren not to go to her. But don't involve your husband in this! This is his mother, they have their own relationship, you don't belong in them.

If your colleague sets you up, talk directly. If your friend says hurtful things, tell her bluntly that you don't like it. A one-on-one conflict is always resolved more efficiently and easier than with the involvement of “negotiators”.

Remember: you are not the problem

I never tire of repeating this: guilt is the first sign of self-dislike. All these “if I behaved differently”, “if I lost weight”, “if I listened to my mother” - all these are signs of insecurity and neurosis. You are who you are.

For example, a selfish bitch who does not cook well and has huge career ambitions. Or the withdrawn quiet one, who is ill from noisy companies, who does not like communication and parties, prefers to embroider with a cross and read philosophical novels. It doesn't matter who you are. Say to yourself: “I am like that, and everything suits me in myself. And whoever doesn't like it, let them go to hell."

Don't judge yourself by a man's reaction

Simply put, do not look into him as in a mirror, do not look in him for an assessment of your actions and appearance, do not build your self-esteem based on his ideas about beauty. Most women see themselves only through the prism of a man: if there is - I'm great and cool, no - I'm worthless. I did so, and he is pleased; I did the right thing, he is unhappy, so I did a bad thing.

This destroys the personality and leads to neurotic relationships. You did what you wanted, and you look the way nature created you, no matter what he thinks about it.

I do not like? Let him look for the one that looks different and acts differently. You are like that. The same works in the opposite direction: either accept the man as a whole, or do not accept, but remember that your assessments of his actions have nothing to do with him.

What matters is not how you look, but how you feel

Men read in a woman her inner state. No matter how she is dressed, made up, no matter what words she says, they always feel, feigned or real.

They "copy" an insecure woman instantly. All these grimaces and jumps, ingratiating themselves, trying to attract attention, attracting poses and gestures, the desire to please and do something pleasant, asking for advice (Does this dress suit me? And what hairstyle should I do? Should I go to the club with my friends or stay at home?) - all this betrays a person who himself does not know what to do with his life. This is either repulsive or causes the desire to suppress and command.

Mikhail Labkovsky addresses similar advice to a man who is overly eager to please a woman and is afraid of offending her. In the role of a victim, such people endure any inconvenience, swallow rudeness and infringe upon themselves to please others. Feelings of guilt and self-pity are only destructive.

Do not do "dismemberment"

This is the term I call partial self-acceptance. “The legs are superb, and the eyes are ugly,” “smart, but with a terrible character,” “slender, but the chest is too small.” The human body, your body - it is whole and indivisible.

Accept yourself entirely, you are not a carcass on the table of a butcher who chooses more appetizing pieces. In fact, even the desire to dye your hair speaks to some extent of self-doubt. As an experiment, as entertainment - yes, it is quite understandable. But systematically dyeing your hair white if it is naturally black is not the best sign.

Remember: he won't change

People change extremely rarely, mainly after some very serious, difficult experiences. To all objections in the spirit of “When we started dating, he was completely different,” I can say that either he diligently pretended not to be himself (that is, he was a neurotic, from whom one must run). Or you didn’t pay attention to his words and actions, justifying them with anything but the truth: he is such a person.

Among the 13 tips of Mikhail Labkovsky, we agree with this unconditionally. You'd rather be able to shove a dress into a suitcase filled to the brim than re-educate an adult boy. Be with the man who he is, or break this vicious circle.

Talk about your feelings and desires

Be open about what you like and what you don’t, what you want and what you don’t. Firstly, telepaths do not exist, and your man will not be able to guess exactly how to treat you, how to behave and how to please you.

By the way, this also includes one of the 15 tough advice that Mikhail Labkovsky gives about love. If you are dating or living with a man and want to get married, ask him directly about it. You don't need to propose yourself, but just find out if you and your family are compatible in his plans.

Secondly, the sooner you identify things that are unacceptable, the faster you will figure out whether the person is next to you. A loving and interested person will understand everything from the first time, but a neurotic, for whom the main thing is his own comfort, and not your feelings, will not pay attention to your words. And if that happens, go away, don't waste time. Because it (see above) will not change.

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