Table of contents:
- Dress the way you like
- Start a new hobby
- Master a new profession
- Give a birth to a baby
- Stop listening to advice and change your life the way you want to
The network is full of texts in which women "over 40" are given recommendations on how to dress, which men to flirt with, where to go, and where not to appear so as not to look funny. Our columnist Ekaterina Popova understands what is wrong with all these tips.
If you believe what they say about female age, then at 30 it's time to wrap yourself in a sheet and lie down in the direction of the cemetery, at 35 - start crawling actively, and at 40 - get comfortable in the family crypt, forgetting about the world of the living. The UN and the WHO, which claim that youth in the modern world lasts up to 44 years, the authors are not decree: over and over again articles appear in which women "over 40" are explained that it is indecent to buy bright bags, it is ridiculous and ridiculous to make eyes at men in the night clubs, and in general it is high time to recognize the loss of independence and to accept the help of grown-up children.
Despite the multitude of such advice, the women around me refuse to humbly live out a life that has been adjusted for forty years with what we have: one friend gave birth to her first child at 45, the other moved to Israel, the third divorced and immediately married two children, the fourth - quit a well-paid position in the bank and retrained as a psychologist, the fifth took up downhill and now regularly brags about the medals. Their example is inspiring and gives cause to laugh whenever you hear: "It's too late for you to do this." Looking at them and reading friends' stories about what happens to them in their fifties, I want to tell you what a woman "over 40" can actually do.
Dress the way you like
“First you work for your reputation, then your reputation works for you” - this saying is perfectly applicable to forty years. By this age, it is already clear what a person is, and friends and acquaintances do not care whether you have a classic haircut or a mohawk, a pantsuit or an Afghani martens. Clothes cease to be a way to merge, pass as "your own", turning into a marker that allows you to easily filter out those who are incompatible with you. Don't like my overly bright bag? So stay away from her, and at the same time from me, away, it will be better for both of us.
Start a new hobby
At 18, hobbies for a girl are very often chosen by parents: one is expensive, the second is useless, the third will take too much time and distract from study, the fourth is dangerous, the fifth will prevent marriage. At 25-35, money and time really may not be found - usually this is the height of a career or motherhood. And just at 40, it often turns out that the children have already grown up, having released a couple of hours, and the balance on the account is enough not only for windsurfing, but also for air tickets to the nearest ocean coast (however, the Sea of Azov is also suitable). And also the skill has appeared to assess one's own abilities and potential dangers of new occupations, not to mention the ability to ignore other people's authorities, and stop when you feel that continuation is fraught with injury, although the coach shouts that right now you need to jump higher and further.
Master a new profession
How many people do you know who, at the age of 18, made a truly conscious choice, going to university? I am one. Most followed the tradition, the ideas of their parents about prestigious, "bread" specialties, and sometimes just got the first profession they came across at the institute, where they allowed them to get a passing score. There were also very strange ways of choosing - for example, at a family council they decided to send a girl from my class to a “technologist” so that she would find a suitable groom for herself in the “boy's” group at the institute.
At forty, you already know what you need, you are a humanist or a techie, you want to communicate with people or stay away from them, it is important for you to help others or make money. Forty is a great time to choose consciously, to find a balance between pleasure and income. Of course, it will be more difficult to enter the labor market in a new capacity - employers prefer young specialists. But there will also be bonuses - the ability to communicate, skills of self-presentation, self-confidence gained in the past, and finally, a circle of acquaintances who are ready to recommend you.
Some men like to say that women over thirty are no longer needed by anyone, let alone shriveled forty-year-old women. These same men are unlikely to roll up at the age of eighteen - they rather hope that the more actively they broadcast the idea of the lack of demand for their peers, the more joyfully and less demands they will accept. Statistics, however, say that about the same number of men and women get married after forty years, so if at forty you want a family, then this is quite possible. Probably, it will even be more harmonious than the previous one - usually by the age of forty, people already know well what they need, and are better able to negotiate.
Give a birth to a baby
They urge to give birth as soon as possible: at 30 it's too late, come on at 25, no, it's better at 20, at 18 - perfect! At 35 it is already dangerous, and at 40 eggs fall out of a woman in order to also crawl to the cemetery, then the uterus and ovaries dissolve, and if you manage to give birth, you will get not an ordinary baby, but a sick unknown animal. By a surprising coincidence, people who claim that it is possible to give birth to a healthy child only before 30 are very rarely doctors.
Of course, one cannot say that there is no difference whether to give birth at 25 or at 40. But pregnancy and childbirth are a very individual process. Someone will not succeed in becoming a mother at the most suitable age for this, for someone everything will pass easily in the fifth decade. It makes no sense to pay attention to the conversations of amateurs - you only need to listen to your doctor (who, given the current trend of “women, give birth as early as possible and as much as possible”, will still have to be looked for).
Stop listening to advice and change your life the way you want to
Almost from childhood, women are taught that they need to live for the sake of someone or something: education, career, husband, child, parents' expectations. Forty is a great age to start doing things for yourself. Whether it will be a new bag or a new country is up to you. Whether you will succeed in this is up to you and the circumstances. The main thing is never to believe those who say that you shouldn't even think about it. You just need to think: choose goals, set tasks, estimate resources, make plans.
At forty we can do it very well.
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