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"All Brothers Do It": Revelations from Male Sexually Abused Survivors
"All Brothers Do It": Revelations from Male Sexually Abused Survivors
Anonim

Usually, when we hear “sexual harassment,” we think of female victims. But men and boys are also often targets of violence. They remain silent, afraid to tell anyone about it. It is very rare for male survivors of sexual assault to speak openly about it. Our material contains photos of daredevils who decided to share scary stories about what happened in their lives.

Sexual violence is a grandiose problem of our time, but today it is being talked about more and more openly, highlighting its various aspects and sides. For example, thanks to the #MeToo movement, a huge number of women spoke about episodes of violence against them. But some things are still talked about in an undertone, and one of them is sexual abuse of men.

How often men are sexually abused: statistics

It turns out that over the course of their lives, one in six men is faced with "unwanted sexual contacts." These data are cited by the American National Center for the Prevention of Sexual Violence. Analysts have studied statistics for three years (2010-2012). These contacts included harassment, episodes of sexual violence against men, and other traumatic sexual experiences experienced at any age. The main aggressors are men: from their side there is more often a sexual attack against both women and other men. But women have fifteen times the risk of being raped.

There are other data, which were cited in 2012 by the "New York Times". According to these statistics, one in 21 men either experienced compulsion to penetrate sex, usually by a woman, or received oral sex without their own desire, or was the victim of an attempted rape. Experts clarify: in reality, there are more cases of sexual violence against men. It's just that the victims rarely complain to their friends, let alone go to the police.

In Russia, statistics of this kind are not kept at all, there are only rough estimates by experts. In particular, the estimated percentage of men referring to psychologists about the experience of violence is 1–2. Moreover, as a rule, men experience violence at a young age from adult men. Individual appeals from men are stories about homosexual unwanted contacts, and relatives are often the rapists. Known to Russian psychologists and sexologists, cases of female sexual abuse of a man are vanishingly rare.

So far, the following attitude dominates in Russian society: a man always wants sex, and more, and will never refuse if offered. Therefore, the very idea of ​​female sexual violence against a man seems to many to be simply wild and ridiculous. And macho culture denies the possibility that a physically strong man can get into such a situation. So, according to some psychologists, comprehending episodes of sexual violence, men persuade themselves that nothing terrible has happened and this event should be assessed positively.

Reasons why women are sexually assaulted against men

As a rule, all adequate adults do not start sex without receiving clear consent from the other side. And in the broadest sense, the reason why female sexual abuse of a man occurs is the loss of this very adequacy. But you can try to dig deeper.

The culture of machismo. This is key - because of gender stereotypes and the idea of ​​aggression as an obligatory quality of a “real man”, men pretend to the last that they are in control of the situation, do not talk about the impending danger or already experienced episodes of female sexual violence against a man.

Psychological problems of a particular woman. Alas, women are also prone to abuse. If there is aggression, emotional abuse, threats, and even assault in a relationship, sexual violence by women against men can be the next step.

However, female sexual abuse of a man is still rare today. As we described above, usually if men experience violence, then, as a rule, at a young age and from adult men, often from relatives.

Sexually Abused Men Tell Their Stories

These photos are part of Project Unbreakable, a website that launched in 2011. Its creator was a student Grace Brown, she is a photographer. The aim of the project is to show that both women and men can become victims of violence. She asked the volunteers to share their stories in front of the camera and write on the signs what their rapists said.

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"Stop fighting me. Look how tough you are, you know you want it." I was 14, he was 40, he was my uncle. "You are my bitch … Just say something and I'll hurt you." I'm 22, I told my family what happened and learned that two of my other cousins, his nephews, had gone through the same thing. The difference was that I told about it, but they remained silent and broke. My cousins ​​are still silent. And they are still broken. Uncle died alone, unforgiven and broken. As soon as I got my breath back and talked about it, I stopped feeling overwhelmed. But I felt ALIVE.

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"What, are you going to sweat it over now?" - that's what he told me. I will ALWAYS steam up about it, but it will never characterize me.

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There was only silence around me as he stuck his tongue down my throat and then did other things. I was 4.

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"Now no one will love you, no one will care about you, you are now defective," - the attacker.

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“Men cannot be raped,” they answered when I told the truth.

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It's all right … All the brothers do it. This is called PRACTICE.

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"You are so handsome," after he did it.

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Be a man and just do it!

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I want to show you how much you mean to me.

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"Let's do it one more time. You don't want your parents to think you were bad, do you?" - my 17 year old babysitter. I was 5.

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