You are not a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, for you neurosis is a word with a not very clear meaning. Nevertheless, it is possible to recognize a man with neurosis and avoid toxic relations with him.
The first and most important, although at the same time the most vague sign: next to this person you feel somehow wrong. Even if you find it difficult to give this feeling a clear definition, if you are uncomfortable, this is an important symptom. You may feel it as anxiety, insecurity, tension, or alertness. Don't make the popular mistake of trying to analyze the feeling and find its cause. I repeat, you are not a psychologist, not a psychotherapist, not a psychiatrist, you are not the attending physician of this man. You should not look for the origins of the feelings that arise in you, and even more so - blame yourself for experiencing them. Since you are uncomfortable with this man, what is the difference, in fact, why exactly? There is no reason to continue a relationship with someone who does not bring positive emotions into your life.
But let's still specify a little what neurosis gives out in a man.
For example, many neurotics love to show off. Usually it concerns money, career, social status. It may seem that the man is simply successful and is trying to make a favorable impression. But a truly successful and accomplished man will not push it out, because, roughly speaking, he does not itch there. There is a saying: "Whoever hurts, he talks about that." In this case, this is a great illustration. If a man has a good career, business, high salary, he is confident in himself and his professionalism, at best he will mention the field of activity and position. He doesn't need to convince you (and himself) of how cool he is. He already knows it.
This is exactly the same phenomenon that occurs in many writers: they write about what they lack. And clowns and humorists in life turn out to be the most depressed and sad people. It is natural for a person to compensate, so listen to what a man tells you - he actually names his problem, his sore spot.
If he says that he is the soul of the company, he has a lot of friends, all his free time is scheduled every minute - most likely, he is incredibly lonely, does not know how to build long-term relationships, does not know how to be friends. And, as if informing you in advance about his employment, being in demand, he drives you into a situation where you will feel that you are not interested in him enough, if he has not called that friends are closer to him than you, so he does not spend the weekend with you. And you have nothing to do with it, it's his cockroaches and his neurosis.
Another example: a neurotic man is so insecure in himself as in a man, in his masculine features, that he surrounds himself with signs of status in order to please a woman. On the one hand, this is quite understandable, because if there is a choice, a woman is more likely to give preference to a wealthier, more successful, wealthy person. But a truly successful man will not wear a super-expensive watch, a jacket with a recognizable pattern and a wallet with a bright logo. Look at Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs followed the same strategy. Clothing should be comfortable, of high quality and appropriate, everything else is tinsel for neurotics.
The second type of neurotic is the whiner. Everything is always bad with him, he will begin his story about the past day with the fact that the weather was terrible, the work was disgusting, the colleagues were disgusting, the boss was a tyrant. In general, the whole world is against him. He is naturally talented and has a fine mental organization, no one understands him, does not love him, he is very lonely. Don't get caught here and don't turn on the "I'll save him" mode.You will not save, only spoil your life. He cannot be saved because he does not want to. He wants to drink all the juices from you, and when you break down, he will say that you, like other women, have terribly disappointed him, and will leave into the night. You will rake away the feelings of guilt and your own failure. A variation of this type is a narcissist who speaks only about himself, who is the center of the Universe, and you are given the role of saying "Ah!" at the right moment. This man was not praised in childhood, and he makes up for it, putting you in the place of an imaginary mother to hear: "What a fine fellow you are, son!"
The third common type of neurotic is the altruist. He is ready to help everyone, and at the same time - I want to emphasize this - he in every possible way promotes such a lack of silversmithing. They say that money is decay, material wealth is low, the consumer society is degradation, and he says all this with incredible enthusiasm. These are not at all beautiful impulses of souls, this is not nobility, this is a neurosis. A healthy, harmonious person values himself and his time, his strength, and also knows how to value the time and strength of other people. It's okay to get the job done for the money. It's okay to pay others to get work done. It is normal to do charity work and to help someone who cannot cope without compensation, but it is not normal to raise it and carry it like a banner, they say, here, I help for free, I am generous, look at me and feel your insignificance. By the way, one more nuance: having received something for free, help or a thing, people value it less than if they bought a thing or service for money. This is how our material world works: the more you pay, the more effect the acquisition has given you.
The fourth type of neurotic is the greedy person. Women usually recognize him faster than others because he appears brighter. On a date, he may lament how prices have risen in a restaurant, when talking about work, complain about how low his salary is, and when he meets, he will bring you a lonely rose in cellophane. Run! And do not fall into the trap "how economical he is, everything to the family, everything to the house." No, not to the family and not to the house, he will give you 100 rubles for lunch and be surprised that you did not meet it. You will always beg, and he will reproach you with waste. It is these men who buy apartments and register them for their mother, have secret bank accounts, which their wives do not even suspect, and count every penny all their lives. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that the greedy person is poor, this is not connected with wealth, this is a neurosis.
The fifth type of male neurotic is aggressive males. And not in relation to a woman, but in relation to other people. People enrage them, while driving, they cover up all the drivers around, they are rude to the waiters in the restaurant, they strive to hit them in the face for a crushed leg, in a word, they are constantly in a defensive position. Rest assured that in the end you will piss him off.
And finally - a list of not the most obvious signs that should nevertheless alert you. This is the absence of one's own position even in the smallest things. You ask him where we will go, and he answers where you want. You ask, red or white, and he says - decide for yourself. He does not know how to make a choice, he constantly shifts the responsibility to you. Such people are often betrayed by speech. They never say "I believe," "I am convinced," "I will do so." They say "I hope," "I guess," "I will try." They often end phrases with a semi-question, for example, "It's terribly cold today, don't you agree?" Or: "Let's go to a cafe, I'm hungry, do you mind?" That is, they constantly need confirmation that they are doing everything right.
There are other signs of neuroses, but I want to emphasize the point expressed at the very beginning. If you are uncomfortable with a man on the first, second or third date. do not appoint a fourth. In the first meetings, a man shows himself in the best possible way, and if you are ALREADY unpleasant to be with him, nothing good will come of this relationship.
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