Marta Ketro on How to Deal with Others' Fears That Are Imposed on You
Marta Ketro on How to Deal with Others' Fears That Are Imposed on You

We know from childhood that the first and easiest way to get rid of fear is to scare someone else. If you are afraid of the dark to death, the most accurate way is to tell your little sister about the black-black hand, and finally calm down to her squeak. But with age, a lot is forgotten, and when they try to intimidate you, broadcasting their anxieties and complexes, you take everything at face value, squeak and get terribly upset. How to understand that these are other people's problems?

Marta Ketro on How to Deal with Others' Fears That Are Imposed on You

A girl I knew told me how she watched a movie with her new husband, in which a woman, having learned about her husband's infidelity, runs away from home at night, and everything ends very badly - she is raped by a street gang. The story seems to be unambiguous, it is obvious who the victim is, but her young husband suddenly exploded and yelled: “Fool! A prostitute! You are all hysterics, this one was bursting with nonsense and got into trouble. It is her own fault, but now live with her husband, with this one! " The girl, to put it mildly, was surprised, but calmed him as best she could, and hushed up the scandal. Wow, how sensitive he is, she said later, he was afraid for me. And in some ways he is right, probably …

Needless to say, after a couple of months their family life ended, because her husband had gonorrhea and a mistress? He was really scared then - but not for her, for himself. And he quickly tried to accuse all women of "reacting incorrectly", so they would be punished.

A middle-aged lady angrily exposes “perverts” on her blog: only pedophiles love thin young girls, normal men need heavy tits, big asses and, preferably, cellulite. And skinny, narrow-hipped girls are unfeminine, like boys. And at the same time they are stupid, empty, greedy and windy.

You understand that it is not the canons of femininity that are being discussed here, but the panic of an individual lady about her own overweight body? She blames in advance everyone who does not want her, and in young girls she sees rivals and tries to humiliate them. Should anyone take this to heart?

An aging man, having barely met, tells a woman for a long time and in detail what one should be in order to match his tastes. In short: stay young and ringing, but closer to forty and / or put on weight, meekly crawl to the cemetery and in no case rely on anything. Such a woman has no right to sex, romance and intimacy. If the poor fellow still wants to please, she needs … (and here is a huge list of moral and material requirements that this unfortunate woman must meet). How to look, dress, present yourself on social networks, conduct a conversation and provide comfort in the family. Is there rationale behind the power user advice?

Here a picture of the world is imposed on a woman, in which the most important thing is whether a man wants her, whether she can excite and conquer his fading flower. If so, life is good. This concept is broadcast by a person obsessed with the fear of aging. His stocks in the sex market are going down, so he tries to drag a woman in there and devalue her. Thus, apparently, increasing their own importance: fight for me, try to please, please, I'm worth it.

And if such people - an unfaithful husband, an anxious aunt, a beginner impotent - are next to you and constantly drip on your brains, it is no wonder to get worried and start listening. What if they have worldly wisdom and know some truth?

But the truth is only one - they are desperately afraid that their own inconsistency will emerge, so they attack first.

All you have to do is remember that the second weapon against fear is laughter.These people are really funny with their complexes and panic screams. But by staying close, it's easy to catch their phobias - fear is toxic. Only if they are dear to you for some reason, try to calm them down and feel sorry for them, and ignore everyone else. This is not your problem - they speak their teeth to their own horror.

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