Why do you want to start a family?

They say the family is going through difficult times. Not someone specifically, but in general. Then why on social networks a record number of likes are gaining photos of weddings and children?

Traditions, patriarchy, stability. These concepts are not in trend. And if you test other words: warmth, care, mutual understanding? Not so old-school anymore, and everyone, in general, is close. No matter how much the forms that the family takes, the content remains the same: they are reliable people with whom you feel good.

In animals within the same species, relationships develop predictably. But a person has many family models. And not only in different cultures, but also within one culture in the same era.

For example, in the 18th century in our country, the empress had favorites, and noble men had kept women. In high society, many were in a fictitious marriage, and the common people frolicked at the holiday of Ivan Kupala. And within the "standard" family, the relationship developed in different ways: where is matriarchy, and where is patriarchy. And all because a person is a complex creature and lives by far not only by instincts. He loves to express himself, including in personal relationships.

Genre crisis

Why is it now that some are talking about the crisis of the family? Modern European culture has taken a course towards human rights. Including the right to be different, not to follow one accepted norm. In addition, the classical family has ceased to be a necessity from a “technical” point of view: a woman can now support herself and her child, work, inherit, and so on.

The ease of divorce also played an important role. On the one hand, of course, the ability to dissolve the marriage is salvation for those who got married "by mistake." But, on the other hand, it automatically increases the number of these same errors. Modern marriage is more about "trying" rather than "where are we going from the submarine." And also a person is so arranged that he is generally not inclined to invest thoroughly if the assets are not protected in any way. In a situation of easy and unconstrained divorce, when a partner is not considered your "property", many more actively "invest" in themselves.

In general, for freedom, as usual, you have to pay with a feeling of instability. Not everyone suffers from this: some are sincerely satisfied with, for example, consistent monogamy - the ability to change several partners during their life.

Couple for couple

“Husband, wife and two children” is not the only family option these days. If, of course, we consider the family of close people who, moreover, are united by a common life, a common future and really common interests and values (as well as legal obligations).

It is often a single parent with a child and their own parents. Sometimes - friends who help each other to raise children. A rather complex scheme is built after divorces and new marriages - a child may have, for example, two dads, several half-siblings and a double set of grandmothers. And two sisters living together - why not a family? And Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, finally?

It turns out that the freedom of relations can be completely disposed of if you look for what is right for you, and do not look back at the conventions. In modern psychology, it is believed that "humanity" lies in the ability to form attachments to other people and the desire to create these very attachments. As simple as that. You love someone - it means a person.

And yet they get married

Even Johnny Depp, who for years told that formal marriage does not make sense, now leads Amber Heard down the aisle. And the Russian registry offices are crowded on Saturdays. Marriage today is more than the right to have sex and appear together in public. For many, these are:

• a signal that the search for a partner is complete, a demonstration of a desire to settle down. And a marriage proposal is, in fact, a question: is the woman ready to stop looking too.
• desire to communicate your choice to everyone around you. We still want to be considered a couple in society if we are sure that we have met “our” person.

What is capable of pushing to legal marriage those who previously considered it completely unnecessary for a happy life together?

Strong passion

at any age can cause a desire to "appropriate" a person. Even if we understand with our heads that divorce is still legal, the proposal to get married is a logical way to somehow resolve the issue with passion in a situation where it is impossible to steal and lock in a tower.

Psychological maturity

All people are different. In their youth, most expect development and something interesting from a relationship. A new person is a new world. And with age, the priorities change: the zone of human development after thirty is work, business, creativity, etc. And at home you want a stable rear. Concepts that in youth looked like restrictions (monogamy, the desire of a partner to know everything about you, living together, the desire of a loved one to distract you from what you love) become pluses.

Ideal partner

Quite often, a person gradually understands himself and understands who he really needs. And then he just gets lucky once with the right meeting. Many psychologists believe that the “ideal partner” is not so difficult to find when you understand who you really are. It is you, and not the image formed by parental expectations and pressure from loved ones and society.

If we talk about the modern family in one word, then it is diverse. Religion, tradition, material issues do not drive a person into a standard framework. Everyone has the opportunity to choose the best option. Futurologists believe that in European civilization the process will develop rapidly: we will begin to consider a variety of alliances as a family, and even those who make laws will have to put up with it. But the main thing will not change: a person will remain a "paired" creature who needs someone nearby. Because the family is changing, but people are not.

Family advertisement

The most closely watched trends in society are marketers. And TV advertisements of recent years cannot but delight the adherents of the traditional family: chubby babies, wise grandfathers and kind grandmothers with a jar of cottage cheese embody family values and the connection between generations. But it happened and vice versa. Not everyone knows that the famous Nestlé logo, with a bird and two chicks in a nest, was slightly different. Initially, there were three children, but in 1988, when most European families did not always decide on one, one chick was removed.

And what does he offer?

• The British newspaper Daily Mail found out that 21% women are unhappy with how they were offered.

  52% were ready to add money to the man in order to get a more expensive wedding ring. True, in reality, only 7% pragmatic brides.

• According to various polls 2/3 girls and the same number of boys believe that the proposal should be made by a man. Moreover, the same 2/3 young people do not mind that a woman is the first to confess her love.

Specialist comment

Frequent change of partners can be explained by an attempt to get away from solving important questions that are characteristic of mature age: who am I? Why do I live? What will happen after my death? The fear of being alone with oneself makes one look for external diversity, which can manifest itself not only in the craving for travel or extreme sports, but also in numerous novels. However, such psychological relaxation is short-term. Often, the clients of psychotherapists are people who “take everything from life”. And often a person who has dropped out of the neurotic race begins to appreciate the emotional depth of relationships and for the sake of them is ready to give up many selfish desires.

Of course, family is not easy. Ideas about relationships are strongly influenced by the example of parents, and each spouse's parents are different. Many people lack patience and the ability to compromise. A family is a flexible structure: first, instead of I and I, we appear, then children are born - and the alignment of forces and priorities changes again. Building a family, you are constantly faced with challenges that require changes in your own way of life and even thought. For some it is a heavy burden, but for others it is a zone of personal growth.