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"Quarantine divorces": how not to replenish the sad statistics?
"Quarantine divorces": how not to replenish the sad statistics?
Anonim

Ok, you got married. She took an oath "to be in sorrow and joy." This vow did not mean 24/7 being in the same apartment with this man. You feel bad, the peasant is bad, you are gradually becoming brutal. It's one thing to get a divorce, because objectively there is no point in being together. Another is to accumulate negative everyday life and come to an unwanted divorce. So we’ll figure out how to do (and what not to do), so as not to arrange ourselves an extra life drama.

"Quarantine divorces": how not to replenish the sad statistics?
"Quarantine divorces": how not to replenish the sad statistics?
Evgeny Idzikovsky
Evgeny Idzikovsky

Evgeny Idzikovsky practicing psychologist, coach, certified hypnotherapist in Russia and the USA, master of neurolinguistic programming

Business time

If you are with a man remotely, for a start it is worthwhile to strictly distinguish between work and personal time. Aloud. Discuss and decide when you work, when the man works. During this time, do not distract each other. Imagine that you (or he) are at work. Most likely, the question "vacuum today or tomorrow" will be postponed until the moment when everyone returns home. The most valuable thing in working order is concentration. We appreciate it in ourselves, we appreciate it in our partner.

Perhaps you have already faced such a scenario: one of you experiences difficulties with work, interrupts himself, initiates communication himself, and then complains that he (she) is distracted. This is resolved by strict agreements - do not communicate while working hours. You can make not one block for 8 hours, but several for one and a half to two hours. During the breaks, food, rest, everything.

In addition to gaining concentration and efficiency, a huge plus is getting personal space. Almost the main source of stress at a distance is the inability to be alone with yourself. With your thoughts, tasks, successes and failures. At the same time, you have the opportunity to miss each other.

Boost your awareness

I now feel negative, because (choose the right one): I am hungry, I did not get enough sleep, I have accumulated stress, I am upset … Something else? The point is simple: stress has really grown. Quarantine, acquaintances are sick, maybe you were sick, the crisis is growing … This exacerbates your sensitivity and makes you more vulnerable to situations that you could easily endure at another time.

You have every right to experience and express negative emotions, but if their true source is not a man, why express them to him? It will not solve your problem, it will not exhaust the situation, it will just make it worse. Perhaps it makes sense to just complain that you feel bad, or defuse the negativity in some other way. For example, to work in meditation, self-hypnosis, any other practice, even if you hang a pear and beat it. Anything's better than swearing at an innocent guy.

Likewise with the negative of the partner

Most likely, he also has a high background level of stress, and he may swear not because he has personal negativity towards you, but because he feels bad. It's not that it somehow justifies him, it's just that you shouldn't project onto yourself: not “he doesn't love me at all, I'm ugly / uninteresting / our relationship is doomed”, but “it's hard for him now, everything is ok with me, you have to think about it, how to increase comfort for me and him."

More self-love

There is never much of it. Difficult times are a separate reason to please yourself more. Standard recommendation: the first thing you do when you open your eyes and the last thing before falling asleep should make you happy. 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the evening. A small pleasant entertainment, a bath, a pleasant book … whatever you like. Separately, during the day, a couple of intervals of 10-30 minutes dedicated only to your beloved.

The brain gets tired of sitting in four walls

It's November outside - it's dark all the time. Electric lighting in the apartment and office. Before my eyes one and the same thing, plus a monitor with a phone. If the opportunity permits, take a walk every day. The trip to the metro and the car does not count. Walking is walking without a goal. For fun. Dress warmly and just walk, look at the trees, at the houses. The step was slowed down. Often 10–20 minutes is sufficient. If there are thoughts like “I have no time” in my head - a reason to think. How it turns out that there is no time to just live. The goal is to break free from the pressure of the same type of activity and imposed rhythm. At the same time, give the brain new food for thought, new impressions.

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