How to learn to love yourself

Everyone says that it is very important to love yourself as a whole - with all the shortcomings. But how exactly do you do this? As soon as we hear the phrase "accept yourself and love", there is an attack of irritation. The advice seems empty and useless. Should we come to terms with runny hair and a lust for salty nuts on the show? You will be surprised, but there are still effective ways.

Popular psychology says: all you need to be successful is to love yourself. Like, do not expect sympathy from others, if you yourself do not send joyful air kisses to the reflection in the morning. Miranda Kerr's stream of inspirational Instagram quotes certainly sounds compelling. We readily believe that she not only knows how to love herself and increase her self-esteem, but that she actually has no problems with it.

But what if the shape of your ears does not leave the slightest chance to experience an ardent feeling for yourself? Even when I turn to the mirror with the winning side (three-quarters) and look bold and defiant, Miranda Kerr is not visible. But vague associations arise with my aunt on my father's side. She, by the way, has the left side of her face paralyzed.

Narcissistic symbolism: how a woman can love herself

First advice: no criticism, only kind words addressed to you. Even if you ate brisket after eight. But when I try to force myself on the phrase “I am the most charming and attractive”, instead of the desired happiness I feel only annoyance. How can such a person fall in love with himself if skepticism and sheer irony rule the ball?

“No wonder,” she reassured Oksana Timofeeva, psychotherapist and coach, - affirmations bring you closer to a hypnotic state, but do not affect unconscious processes. In other words, positive phrases will help build a little self-confidence, but will not solve a deeper problem."

There is another, ingenious way to be kind to yourself without these hypnotic tricks. “Be grateful for everything you have, and there will be more happiness in life,” advises Rhonda Byrne, author of Magic, in an article on the site with a flying Buddha. I immediately realized that this is not the best method to enlarge breasts, but I must try! Thank you world for sending me such willpower! And for the cat, by the way, too.

The next day, something did arrive - cat hair on the carpet. Although after a couple of days I noticed that close attention to positive little things still cheers up. So advice on how to love yourself, do not wash, so it still works by rolling. Not too bad to start with.

To come to inner harmony, ask yourself: “What do I really want? What am I when I don't have to pretend? Is the opinion of other people really that important?"

You will be able to love yourself as soon as you internally agree with your imperfection and allow yourself to be imperfect. The kind of unconditional love that parents love their children. Not for something, but just like that. By the way, the next method is based on a child's question.

How to start loving yourself: a child's surprise

Another expert, psychologist and writer Ken Page, advises: identify the traits for which you were ashamed in childhood and which you are ashamed of now. Realize that they are the basis of your personality, and develop them. "What? Start biting your nails again? " - I am perplexed. And how can a girl fall in love with herself with such bad manners? But Ken seems to be hinting at charisma. He believes that we impress other people not with our appearance or behavior, but with our attitude towards ourselves and the world.

Do you want to become a bunch of positive? Dig out your real self from the depths of your soul, not beaten down by your parents, men, or your boss. Over lunch in a cafe it occurred to me that childlike spontaneity is an important part of my personality. I made a catapult out of a spoon and sent the beans to visit at the next table. It's a pity that the neighbor did not notice my serving charisma, and in general did not approve of the psychological recipe.

But I didn't give up. Moreover, psychology often refers to the convenient topic of childhood in discussions about how to love yourself. It also resorts to Margaret Paul, psychologist and author of Internal Communication":" Imagine that you are a baby, and treat yourself like a child: listen carefully, immediately fulfill all his desires, remind him how important he is to you, do not skimp on affection."

My first need was to lie on the couch with ice cream. "Then you won't get anything sweet for dinner!" - I sternly shook my finger at myself, but immediately corrected myself: "Ay-ay, who has such beautiful hands here?" The cat glanced at me suspiciously. Henceforth, I decided to be more careful to show my inner adult and child, and thanks to this, the following became clear. As soon as you pay attention to all your barely audible "I want" and "I will not," a desire arises to love yourself and you feel more harmonious.

How to love yourself for who you are: charismatic feeling

Once you stop being guided by the opinions of others, you can love yourself.

After a couple of weeks, the reflection in the mirror started winking at me in the morning. Probably, the habit of thanking the cat for the torn sofa and not scolding little Inna for wanting to sleep until eleven has affected. Or is it that the connection between our self-confidence and our external attractiveness does not exist at all?

This conclusion was reached about 20 years ago researchers Edward Diener and Brian Walseyj. Their experiment showed that even beautiful people sometimes consider themselves ugly ducklings, and those whom nature has not endowed with cuteness can feel like sex bombs. So imagine how difficult it is at times to fall in love with yourself and become confident glamorous models!

How to be happy: 5 most important tips

Why do we think of ourselves in this way and not otherwise? Experts believe that it's all about our habit of looking at others. From childhood, we believe everything our parents say and no longer question judgments about our appearance or character. But cognitive psychologist Oksana Fadeeva disagrees: “An adult differs from a child in that he can independently form ideas about himself. To do this, evaluate how useful each belief is for you, whether it helps you to become better. If not, you don't have to accept it."

Probably, psychologists eat their bread for a reason. Psychology opens a way for a woman to love herself, starting small. For example, getting rid of the manner of comparing yourself to others and asking others for their opinion. And even though I still don't dance with happiness in front of a mirror, I still learn to forgive myself for minor weaknesses, not the most successful replicas on a date and that dance at a corporate party. In the end, there is no other such Inna in the Universe.

This is what he says in his book psychologist Louise Haywhich teaches you how to love yourself through daily exercises in front of the mirror. Her simple yet powerful affirmations help boost your confidence in 21 days.

Why can't you love yourself

Women often lock themselves in a vicious circle of sacrifice and, deep down, hope that someone will one day be sure to appreciate it. They tolerate inattentive or rude husbands, go to hateful jobs, spare money on themselves … Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky I'm sure it's not about kindness at all, but about low self-esteem. First of all, here you need to understand how to find yourself, then how to love yourself. Break up a toxic relationship, change your occupation, buy those incredibly expensive shoes.

Mikhail Labkovsky's radical advice that will change your life for the better

There are reasons why you can't see yourself with different eyes. You just put up with yourself day in and day out.

• You criticize your own appearance. You never get tired of scolding the reflection in the mirror even for minor flaws.
• Constantly comparing yourself to others. This is fine, but personal success should not seem unimportant in the background.
• You put others in the first place: "Julia is prettier", "Yura is smarter".
• It is difficult for you to express your opinion. Are you suffering from Little Man Syndrome? Bad sign.
• You make decisions based on the desires of others. You ignore your interests, thinking about the benefits not for yourself, but for your parents, men, children, girlfriends.

How to love yourself and gain confidence

When the syndromes are obvious, the diagnosis is easier. This means finding a way to love yourself and be confident.

• Embrace your negative traits. Nobody is perfect, but everyone has the right to be themselves. For this we are born into the world.
• Don't screw it up. Don't take sorrow to heart. What is important is not what happens, but how you feel about it. Remember that if you release the emotion from the problem, it’s just a situation.
• Develop patience. Healthy Zen won't hurt. Do not exchange for irritation, save energy for joy.
• Love yourself now, not in the future. You can wait forever for the moment when you lose weight / become a star / boss. Don't live on a draft. How will you manage to love yourself and your body if in your head there is only a desire to meet someone's expectations and imposed standards!
• Do not blame yourself. If you did something wrong, treat it as an experience.

There is a simple way to find out who you really are. On a piece of paper, write in the left column the signs that characterize you, and in the right column, as many words that are far from you. You will see that in the right column there are words from which your subconscious mind is simply trying to fence itself off.

For example, a “poor student” is a symbol of the fact that a person is trying to isolate himself from evaluations. Having connected the columns, he begins to see what he really is, and understands how to love and accept himself. And this person, freed from prejudices and conventions, will surely like him.