Our columnist Anna Ivanova decided to deal with the most popular advice from the guru of women's training: "A woman should inspire a man, and then everything will be fine." No, it will not. And that's why.
Various spiritual gurus of relations guarantee us that if we stop "nagging" our men, stop sarcastic, mock and doubt, and believe in them - and by affection, acceptance let them understand that they are our heroes, defenders and just good fellows, then even the last "Sofa tanker" will get up and go to build a bright future for his woman, for his family.
No matter how it is.
More than once, more than once, I have heard amazing "funny" stories about how a woman's affectionate admonition - "Dear, I know you will succeed, because you are so smart, strong and talented, you will definitely find a job" - man threw a tantrum about the fact that he knew that, she only needed money from him, she was with him only because of the salary and his amazing prospects, and how he was a little tired and lay down - so look at this mercantile bitch! Immediately she began to hover over him like a kite, and let's push him to work! And, which is typical, it would be okay if this was really said by a person who had plowed for ten years without vacations and here he literally decided to give himself a two-week respite, he could be understood. But no, such speeches can often be heard from a “misunderstood genius” who has been vainly looking for himself on the couch for years, who no longer remembers when he last worked and where the food comes from in the refrigerator.
By the way, about food - as we can guess, the woman works at this time so as not to die of hunger, and feeds the sufferer. So maybe that's the problem? After all, spiritual gurus sometimes directly advise women: if you feel that your husband is growing to the sofa, you quickly quit your job, start cleaning and coziness at home, and all your husband’s questions about “how are we going to live?” - you answer meekly: what you, breadwinner and head, bring us and get, so we will live. Maybe that's how it should be? Maybe such a shock method is really capable of shaking a man and reminding him of his role?
No matter how it is.
What tricks men do not go to so as not to allow themselves to be inspired. You can, for example, get sick. You can quietly eat with your mother, and then make an innocent face for the household. And you can go back again to the tactics of scandals: “What will I do? And I print money, or what? Well, yes, of course, and so the family is in need - you will also perch on my neck now! " Again, if there are children, then the question arises, what to do with them? Usually here the gurus either remain silent or ask florid questions, they say, “Well, what do you think? Will your husband let the children die of hunger or not? " Here you just accept your guilt and responsibility, forgive a man, thank him for a life lesson - and live as it is, resigned to fate.
Of course, hunger is not an aunt - and rarely any woman, even the most resigned and accepted guilt, has the patience to feed and cherish an overage baby for years and decades. As a rule, even the most convincing “misunderstood geniuses” are still at one moment pointed to the door with the words “either to go out with things to my mother, or to a normal job,” and our “breadwinner” goes to earn his daily bread with hard work. Maybe this is where you need to make a beautiful feint? Praise, encourage, admire, pet? Maybe then a person will understand that here he is, the correct male way ?! And energy will flow through the chakras in the right direction, and finally harmony will come in family life!
No matter how it is.
I don’t know, maybe someone has positive examples when it worked, but I see sad stories when an unfortunate unfortunate man pushed to work draws completely different conclusions. Firstly, there is still practically no investment in the family from him, the money is immediately spent on his wishes and needs (“and don’t dare be indignant - this is my money, I earned it!”), Or the issuance of every thousand is accompanied by such poses and speeches like it's the greatest favor. Every time, on occasion, he will remind you that, they say, she sawed me, spread rot on me - just choke, you are only interested in these pieces of paper. The bad husband, unjustly accused, nevertheless brought money into the house. Come on, underwater snake, say something else. Blame, slander, you know how!
Secondly, in 90% of cases, all these stories end with a man who got on his feet makes the woman a pen "adyos" and sets off for free swimming. Moreover, often a woman is surprised to find out that while she understood, endured and inspired, provided, motivated and tried, our “breadwinner” had already found an alternate airfield and, having composed a sad story of how he was rotten in a relationship, they did not understand and only tolerated for the sake of money, he has already prepared himself a way of retreating to a "more understanding woman" (who, of course, is not as mercantile as the nasty ex who pushes him to work). As compensation for his humiliation, the "breadwinner" still often tries to snatch someone else's stash, as well as, of course, gifts and things he bought in common life. And what? Mercantile bitches must be punished!
There is no doubt, of course, we have not understood everything so well in spiritual sermons. And if this happened to us, it was solely because we could not find an approach, we were insincere in our support and faith in a man. We lacked patience and wisdom. In the end, we just chose the wrong man for some reason. From lack of spirituality and unrighteousness, I guess. There can be no other reason for sure.