Table of contents:
- Incomplete relationship
- Fear of losing freedom
- Devaluation of oneself
- Wrong parent script
- The desire to get married immediately
Everything seems to be all right with you: you are young, free and in search of new relationships. Men pay attention to you, you reciprocate them, but … But nothing happens. The relationship is not working out, although both of you are set for a serious sequel. What is the problem? Yes, in anything, there are a lot of options. But it is better to look for its roots in yourself - for a start. Simply because first of all you need to help yourself. If necessary, of course.
There simply won't be room in your heart for new love if your past relationship hasn't ended yet. The problem is that it’s not enough to just break up to finish them. It's about feelings, and not just love. Are you very upset with your ex? Hate him, can't you forgive? Or, on the contrary, are you not sure that you really needed to part? This means that the relationship is not over. Sometimes even vivid memories of a long-ended romance can prevent you from considering a new man as a life partner. Because it seems to you that you already had an ideal, and if so, is there any point in exchanging for a surrogate?
What to do about it: decide if you're ready to let go of that relationship. If so, any technique will help you. For example, you can write a letter to your past love stating that you forgive him all the bad things, thank him for all the good things, and wish him personal happiness. If the relationship does not let you go, you will have to look for an answer to the question: why? Until you figure it out, any techniques are useless, alas.
Fear of losing freedom
You are used to living independently, taking care of yourself and, most importantly, making all important decisions alone, regardless of anyone's supposedly valuable opinion. Naturally, in this position you see more pluses than minuses, but you also want love! You look for her, find her, but drive the man away as soon as he crosses the invisible line of your comfort zone. Suggesting to spend your vacation in the wrong place? Let's goodbye! You yourself do not understand how it turns out - yesterday everything was fine with you, but today you want him to disappear as soon as possible. And so every time.
What to do about it: find out about the man as much as possible on the shore. Before you let him get closer. Not every man strives to dominate, not everyone needs to be the leader in a relationship - this is the first thing. Secondly, he may well have the same fears - he is also free and also values freedom. And thirdly, you cannot lose freedom in relationships, unless, of course, you do not get involved with abuser and house tyrants. At any point you can say “I've had enough!”, Get up and leave.
Devaluation of oneself
Low self-esteem leads to dire consequences. It seems to you that you have nothing to offer a man. Why are you to him like this - fat, stupid, ugly, old and so on, and so on? He, of course, will find himself someone better. And it's good if right now, and not later - after all, then he will leave you.
What to do about it: break out of the vicious circle. You deny your own worth, try to find love, but back down at the last moment, because who needs you like that? And you fall even lower. Because you think - I'm completely worthless, they say, I couldn't even take what they give. It needs to be stopped. Stop waiting for love and take care of yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself, understand that you are unique. And only then think about a new relationship.
Wrong parent script
We unconsciously compare our future, not yet begun relationships with those of our parents. And if they do not work out, you can be accompanied by false ideas about men for a very long time. Daddy drank, behaved ugly and finally left? All men are goats! Was your mother unhappy for some reason unknown to you? There are no happy marriages at all! You may be intimately familiar with happy couples, you may seem to believe in a strong relationship, but as soon as it comes to you, your subconscious mind will roll out memories of your parents' unhappy marriage - that's all. Nothing will work again, is there any point in trying?
What to do about it: it is best, of course, to sort this issue out with a psychologist. But, in principle, you are able to cope on your own, you just need to set a goal for yourself. Compare your life with that of your mom - have you repeated her script in other areas of your life? If not, where did you get the idea that you would repeat her relationship model? If so, it's time to change something and make sure that you can not live like a blueprint. This means that you can love.
The desire to get married immediately
No matter how you hide this desire, men read it. They count, get scared and run. Actually, they can be understood: it is not clear whether you need a person or a stamp in your passport? You would hardly want to marry a man who is not interested in you yourself, but in the opportunity to quickly ring in public.
What to do about it: realize that this is not your desire. This is not yours. You don't care who you live with, right? Imagine yourself being married to a man who is disgusting to you - do you want to go down the aisle? That's it. Most likely, it just happened - there are many people around you who think in stereotypes and poison your life with endless questions "Well, when already?" got married, did you? " This can and should be fought. Defend your boundaries, do not let strangers get into your personal life. And you yourself will not notice how it will improve.